This post is contributed.
Great philosophers across the ages have described life as an endless series of problems that need to be overcome. It seems that no matter how much we strive in life for the things we want, new things come along and throw us off track - stuff that isn’t our fault, was totally unplanned and destroys our quality of life.
The problem for many people is that when these adverse events do happen, they add insult to injury by thinking about what’s happened to them in unhelpful ways. It’s important to recognize that part of the trade-off in being alive is having to deal with problems, even though you don’t always want to. Don’t fall into the psychological traps that could cause you to lose your mojo after an unfortunate event. Use these thinking strategies instead.
Don’t Focus On “What Could Have Been”
When things go wrong - which they inevitably will - you have a choice. Your choice isn’t about whether what happens to you will happen, but how you perceive the outcome. If you focus on what your life could have been like if the bad thing had never happened - be it a relationship breakdown, betrayal, illness, injury, or financial disaster - you’re hurting yourself a second time over. Life cannot be like it would have been without the adverse event, so focusing on that is not helpful at all. Try adjusting to the new reality by accepting what’s happened and focusing more on how things are going right now.
Avoid Self-Victimisation
Even though bad things can happen that have nothing to do with you, you may find yourself blaming yourself anyway. Blaming yourself could involve any of the following questions:
● “Why did this have to happen to me?”
● “Why am I the unlucky one?”
● “Why is everyone else happy but not me?”
● “Why did my business fail but my friend’s succeed?”
● “Why did I have to get injured on the road?”
It’s worth pointing out that legally, accidents aren’t always your fault. If you were hit on the world, it might be worth getting some advice from Emroch & Kilduff. Don’t let self-blame overtake your thinking processes.
Treat It As An Objective Event
Changing the way you look at an adverse event, like an accident, can have a profound impact on your psychology. Experts recommend that people try to disown negative things in their lives which are not their fault by objectifying them. That accident just happened: it had nothing to do with you personally as a driver. You were a mere statistic - it could just have easily have happened to someone else.
Always Focus On What You Can Do
No, you can’t turn back time - that’s not in your locus on control. But plenty of things are. Seeking legal help is one thing that you can do. Controlling negative self-talk is another. In fact, you still have plenty of choices when something terrible happens.
Even if the situation seems impossible - like dealing with the betrayal of a partner - remember that their actions give you a whole range of new choices. You can seek new partners, change your life, move somewhere else, or work with a counselor to get the relationship back on track.
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Let me tell you, I have a difficult time letting things go when something bad happens. I have a tendency to dwell. I will sit and think about all the bad and how I could go about turning all the bads into goods. The older I get the more I realize how awful it makes me feel. It's not healthy, so now that the new year is here, I am doing everything in my power to not let negative thoughts and self-talk consume. One of my goals (which I am currently working on for a post), is to focus on my self. This year, 2019 and is all about loving myself both inside and out again.
Until next time my friends.
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