Together But Apart: Why Does Your Partner Really Feel So Far Away?

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It’s not unusual to feel less close to your partner once kids enter the picture. After all, that person has gone from being your entire world to being a broader part of the family that you’ve created together.

The trouble is that, with websites like reporting that as many as a fifth of couples break up just twelve months after having a baby, this is an issue that needs fixing before it’s too late. As such, no matter how young your kids happen to be, it’s always worth considering the following reasons why this distance has grown, and also what you can do about it. 

Reason 1: You’ve stopped prioritizing each other

Quite simply, you and your partner have likely stopped prioritizing one another since the kids came along. This is inevitable, but given that happy family life should ideally be a part of the opportunities you offer to your children, making time for your loved one also matters a great deal. The primary thing to do here is to consider the time that you have alone, and use that to either ensure regular conversations or embark on date nights with the power to truly rekindle your flame and maintain a better lifestyle balance. Then, you’ll be able to enjoy each other like you always did, and still have plenty of attention to give to the kids whenever they’re around. 

Reason 2: You’ve lost common ground

While they do say that opposites attract, things like shared values and hobbies can create closeness between any couple. Unfortunately, when kids become the only things that you discuss, it’s all too easy to lose sight of this middle ground. When that happens, you must take the time to rediscover shared hobbies, which could include anything from favoring the same restaurants to getting stuck into bingeable box sets or even using sports listings like those found on to watch a match or two together. In each instance, you’ll remember those shared values, as well as giving yourselves something non-child-related to talk about.

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Reason 3: You’ve forgotten to have fun

Studies show that inter-couple communications become far more businesslike after having children, and most parents would agree that this is the case. After all, you both have more to juggle now and are likely always thinking about things like school runs, meal plans, and finances. The trouble is that, if you fall into the trap of only talking about this stuff, you’ll altogether forget to have fun together. And, laughter is really what cements our relationships. The good news is that it should be easy enough to turn this negative tide and laugh together as a family during group days out, etc. This can help to get things back on track to some extent, but it’s also worth putting rules in place like not talking ‘shop’ after 8 pm. Very quickly, you should find that laughter pours back in as a result. 

Parenting can take its toll on even the strongest relationships, but you can come back together if you make the effort using pointers like these. 

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