Lord, Please Send Me Some More Patience...

I have zero energy these days. I also don't have any patience, which I find bothersome for me. Normally I am a very patient person but over the course of a few weeks I have found my patience button going bye-bye. I find myself snapping at Amari when he doesn't listen to me or do what I ask. It also doesn't help that he has learned a few potty mouth words (no thanks to my older brother who said a bad word when he dropped his Iphone around 4th of July, crappy shows that my husband watches on TV, and crap music on the radio). We tried spankings. It didn't work. We tried hot sauce or "spicy in the mouth" as Amari calls it, it also didn't work. He ended up spitting it out and getting it into one of his eyes on Tuesday night which was pure hell to deal with. Nothing like a screaming toddler crying out in pain while you try to rinse his eyeball out underneath the faucet, then the shower, and lastly the tub. Trevor Dear felt so terrible that he started crying, Amari was crying, and somehow I managed to hold it all together and tend to my sobbing little man even though I felt like everything was falling apart. I felt like a terrible mother then and still do now. Sometimes I can't help but wonder if I'm doing the job right. There are nights when I find myself praying to the Lord and begging him for more patience because mine is running thin but I feel like my prayer goes unanswered. I don't know how many times I've prayed for more patience; I desperately need it though. With 12 more weeks tell my expected due date I don't know how I'm going to last in the patience department when it comes to dealing with my own kid. Amari is feisty, independent, outspoken, a brat 75% of the time, impatient, gets into everything, and he has the "I do what I want" mentality; but at the end of the day, he is the sweetest little boy that I have ever met and it melts my heart when he says, "Sorry Mommy," and wants to snuggle after a long stressful day. I have to keep reminding myself about all his good qualities and not the bad ones. I also need to remind myself to take a deep breath and exhale slowly when I find my patience button turning off. As a mother, I need to remind myself that I'll have my good and bad days when it comes to dealing with a toddler. Amari is a toddler and he has a mind of his own. I love my son and I know that he loves me at the end of the day. I just need to learn to not let the little things push my buttons and to consider things from my two and half year olds perspective. I just hope that he can have a little patience when it comes to dealing with his hormonal, mood-swinging mother as I endure the road to finding more patience. Hang in there Amari.

"The keys to patience are acceptance and faith. Accept things as they are, and look realistically at the world around you. Have faith in yourself and in the direction you have chosen."
-Ralph Marston 

"You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view - until you climb into his skin and walk around in it."
- Atticus Finch
To Kill A Mockingbird

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I Am Natasha