October Gloom: Tantrum Mama Drama

Today has been the day of hell around our house and the stormy October weather does not help much. Every time I look out the window and see nothing but gray skies and rain I cannot help but feel like the weather is capturing the gloomy feeling that I am having on this cool Monday afternoon.

My two year old is mean to me. Period.

I have no patience for his rude actions and/or gestures these days. He is not mean to Dad or anyone else. Just to me and there are times when I want to just sit down and cry in frustration because I don't know what else to do. It also doesn't help that I am 35 weeks pregnant and super hormonal. I ask myself every day if my random mood swings are what triggers his tantrums and how he treats me. I also can't help but ask myself if maybe, just maybe he is starting to realize that he will not be the center of my universe once his little brother is born. Is it jealousy that he is experiencing? Can he sense the changes that are ahead even though Trevor and I have done everything in our power to prepare him for his new role as a big brother? Do I need to do more as his mother?

I don't know how many times I have prayed for the Lord to give me more patience and to guide me through this process. There are days when I feel like that prayer just goes unanswered; for example, like today when threw his toy cars at me, yellow and orange carrots, and his shoes all because I closed the car door this morning while we were waiting for Trevor in the car at the doctor's office and he then had the nerve to ask me for cookies and fruit snacks. He told me to shut-up numerous times and tried to slap me and scratch my face because I stopped him from running into the street while we were playing in the leaves so he could chill out and relax.

I feel like I am at my wits end...

I don't know what else to do.

I feel like a failure when it comes to being his mom and it irks my damn nerves.

The book on discipline that I am reading is NOT working! I am about ready to rip my hair out! How did a two year old become some mean when I know that he has the ability to be the sweetest little boy that I know? It breaks my heart knowing that I am probably the reason behind his attitude and random tirades at home and in public when he doesn't get his way. Today I feel like a weeping willow and I am so ready for this day to be over. I just want to sip on coco and take a warm bath and try to forget that this day even happened but I know that I am the type of person who likes to dwell on things until I figure them out. I am going to try my best to make the best of this situation and just hope that tomorrow will be a better and brighter day.